Bill Nighy and Technology

The two catchwords of this blog are not, as far as my intentions are concerned, at least, related.

I'll start with Technology. I have attempted to embrace Technology, and she has spurned me.

BY WAY OF BACKGROUND...

When I first moved to London four years ago, I bought a DVD player. You may not remember it, but they were all the rage at the time.

Well, my flatmate had a tv (tvs had been around for a while at this point), but it was so old that none of the little cables were compatible with the THINGS -- I cannot describe the ugly little aliens any more articulately than that -- on the back of the tv. So, we went out and bought a new (used) tv -- a nice JVC with a big old remote that reminded me of Jams, skateboards, mullets and Duran Duran (not that I really know any more about Duran Duran than I know about Technology). It's a great remote. It has more buttons than this keypad I'm typing on, and I still don't know what most of them do, but they're pretty cool anyway.

So anyway, we gave away the old tv and embraced the new tv. I felt pretty confident what to do with the cables this time round, despite the fact I'd never heard of a 'Scart' cable ('Scart' sockets being indiginous to the British Isles, it would appear, and not being inclined to travel). After all, I'm a Man, and Men know about audio-visual equipment and things. Shut up, Ben.

So the times moved on, and I thought I was changing with the times, but I was wrong.

It must have been 2004 when my poor computer packed-up. I loved that old IBM Thinkpad. She got me through three degrees, my PgDL and my LPC. In short, nine years of faithful service. I'll never forget that cold October day in 1996 when I rocked up to Merton with this beauty of a computer and simply plugged her into the ethernet socket. It was too easy. The internet was instantly accessible, continuously. I just kept it plugged in at all times (a dangerous confession in these environmentally fragile times - yes, I caused global warming, and I apologise). For instance, one morning in 1997 at about 5 am I heard an email ping in - it was from Ben, asking if I'd heard about Princess Diana's car crash.

Well, I'm getting sidetracked. As I said, that computer finally stopped whatever magical thing it is that computers do. And so I had no computer, which was no great inconvenience as my generous employer, Freshfields, handily supplied me with a computer 24/7 in an office which was open (and often occupied) 24/7.

NOW

Then it all changed. I don't know when, because if I could answer that I might have noticed the change.

Other people had iPods.

I still used cds (and my viola). Technology, that fickle temptress, had let me get too comfortable; and then she left without a word.

Well, I'm glad to say that my family was a great support during this period. My dad went out and got me a computer and an iPod. It was simple enough to use, but suddenly it became apparent to me that if you didn't have an internet connection, your computer wasn't much use. I didn't have an internet connection. My poor computer slowly wasted away, malnourished, until only three years later it had gone to the land of its fathers.

I left my job, and suddenly I found that I didn't have access to a work computer with an internet connection outside of normal office hours.

So I decided to go through the process of getting a computer, a phone line and an internet connection at home. Now, two months later, I finally have internet. A friend donated her computer to me on the eve of her journey around the world. So I have this computer, too.

So. I had internet. I worked out how to use Skype. I should have left it at this.

My hubris was to think that if I could go this far, I could go further. So I bought an X Box. Alas the day! Once again I have a tv that isn't fit for purpose (grim irony). Ben has been counselling me which bank account-busting mega-high-tech television I now need to buy. In addition to the tv incompatibility, my X Box is incompatible with the internet connection I just spent 2 MONTHS getting.

Why can't my X Box just be nice and get along with the other children? It's like some kind of Tiny Tina - some weirdo psyched-out antisocial little pratt of a gadget which doesn't realise that it's causing my poor loving heart to burst.

Now, if you feel stretched and tired, if you feel older just from reading this dull story, you'll have a sense of how I've felt for the past 2 months, on the phone every day, on hold to BT, Orange, whomever. Poor Ben.

So I made a coffee with coffee beans I bought at the market today. And I bought a silverside roast and lots of nice vegetables to cook. And I'm pleased to say that, so far, modern food is still compatible with my old oven.

BILL

Oh, yeah. Bill Nighy.

I mentioned to a few people about three months ago that I'd gone to a favourite 'cheap and cheerful' variety of Italian restaurant and that Mr Nighy (best known to Americans for his role as the aging rocker in Love Actually) had sat down at a table next to us. Well, I went back to this restaurant last night - for the first time since that last encounter. I went with another friend, but she knew the story (she had run across Hugh Grant that same evening) and so we were both incredulous when Mr Nighy appeared at my side to take his seat right next to me. Again. I don't think he properly appreciated all of my wry comments about getting an injunction so that he would stop stalking me; but there you are. Maybe he was just acting being a funny guy in all of those films.